Wednesday, January 20, 2010

January 20, 2009

Well all, it's been a wonderful day in the life of Melody Hansen - resident Biggest Loser ;) 

Last Friday night, my husband Wayne and I decided to join a gym.  Now, only those who know me best will know that about 5 years ago, I was what I like to refer to as a "Fitness World Poster Girl".  I had lost 115lbs. and was at my fittest EVER, and the gym I was a member of decided to use my success story in their advertising campaign.  I was already a pretty familiar face around the gym - everyone knew who I was, and I was very proud of my accomplishment, so I had no problem with being one of the "faces of Fitness World".  They used me in their ads for several months - if not a couple years - as people everywhere found my face in their newspapers, magazines, even on t.v.!  :)  It's probably one of my greatest accomplishments in my own mind.

So what could have possible went so wrong to send me back down the road to frustratedly fat? 

Well that's a story for another day, but in a nutshell, the pressure of being the 'barbie doll superwife" as I felt I was, was too much for me.  Trying to lose that imaginary "last 10 lbs" was so much pressure and so difficult for me, that I stopped trying... I don't exactly know why - it stopped being fun for me to go to the gym... as I slowly started putting some of that weight back on, I became embarrassed to show my face at the gym because Fitness World was still using me in their ads, and here I was, this fallen "hero" in so many people's eyes... okay, so maybe in reality it was only in my own eyes, but I felt defeated... I basically crashed under the pressure I put on myself and my ex put on me as well (again, long story).  I also had developed Fibromyalgia, so the less I worked out, the more pain I was in, and the harder it was for me to get back to the gym - or should I say, the easier it was to make an excuse not to go.  The less I went, the more my ex-fiance pushed me.  He figured if he gave me a hard enough "shove" in the "right" direction, then I would get out of my funk and get healthy again. 

When I finally left that relationship (when the bad started to outweigh the good - no pun intended), I had gained back over 60lbs of what I had lost.  But I needed time.  Time to heal from the emotional and psychological abuse from the relationship.  Time to get those "voices" out of my head that told me I wasn't good enough and no matter how hard I worked I would NEVER be good enough.  I needed time to get back to caring about MYSELF and just loving me for ME.  Not in someone else's vision of what I should be or what I should look like - but just focusing more on who I was inside.  So I decided to put the gym and even healthy eating completely out of my head "for a while".

The good news of that was I started to discover who I was on the inside - funny, spiritual, intelligent, attractive.  ATTRACTIVE!  on the inside???? Wow.  I had put so much of my attention on being beautiful on the outside, that I had lost sight of who I was on the inside.  At 220lbs, I met a guy who he thought I was gorgeous just the way I was.  And I was funny, and had brilliantly blue eyes that sparkled when I looked at him.  And he loved that about me.  He was the polar opposite of my ex-fiance, and he was everything I needed in a life partner.

So I married him!  :)

We've been together for 4 years now, and from the time I met him, I discovered I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, to do whatever I wanted, and I didn't have to "answer" to anyone but myself.  And I just needed to "wear" that suit for a while.  Needed to really let it sink in that I was no one's puppet.  I was in control of my own destiny. 

And today, I am happy, and cherish the fact that I am surrounded by positive people who love me for who I am.  The only unfortunate downside to that was that I have now packed on another 100lbs in the past 4 years.  A total of 160lbs from my fittest self. 

I am now heavier than I have ever been, and while I am blissfully happy in my marriage, and with my wonderful children (I have one 14 year old son of my own and 3 beautiful stepchildren I adore); my health has deteriorated.  Why?  Because I'm 320lbs and have Fibromyalgia, that's why!

I went from being body-builder fit to needing help getting off the couch.  I went from being lean and mean, to lazy and lethargic.  My right thigh goes numb every night when I get into bed, so I have to lie a certain way just to stop the discomfort.  I have sleep apnea to the point where I technically should probably have one of those breathing machines at night to ensure I don't stop breathing and die in my sleep.  I can't keep up with my children or my housework, and have taken to having naps every day, sometimes not being able to stay awake at all!  I was hospitalized in late 2008 due to stress and overexertion.  I have had doctors tell me that the only exercise I should be doing is housework and not to worry about anything else.  I have had doctors tell me "work on the emotional stuff before you worry about the physical stuff".  But every day I've been in such pain that I have to take medication to keep going.

So I'm totally hooped, right?

NO.

In late 2009, I found this really cool show on tv that I was curious about.  A bunch of really obese people get together at a fat camp, and work on their weight, and whoever loses the most weight wins a bunch of money.  It was entertaining to see the trainers screaming at these really obese people to work harder... but at the same time I felt bad for the contestants... I could relate... You may have heard of it but most peole I've talked to have never seen it - they should.  It's called "The Biggest Loser", and by the time I figured it out, it was Season 8.  How had I missed 7 seasons of this incredible show?  When I saw the contestants in the first episode with about 16 extremely obese people, I thought - there's no WAY they can lose that weight!!!  They might lose like 20-50 lbs, but they're not gonna get completely fit by being on a tv show.  Diets are scams.  Fitness programs are a fallocy.  It doesn't work.  Nothing works.  Not for me.

And then I watched... and I couldn't keep my eyes off the show.  Even my kids started getting into it, wanting to watch each and every episode.  Each week, the contestants lost TREMENDOUS amounts of weight!  They weren't on diet pills, they didn't have surgery - they did it by working out like a demon in the gym, and following a healthy meal plan that was really do-able!

The more I watched the show, the more I became inspired.  If that woman, who's husband and 3 children were killed in a car accident while she survived can do it, then so can I!  If that woman, who had to stand in front of all those obese people, and find out she was heavier than all of them, can do it, then so can I!  If that man, who left his dreams behind and became complacent in his life, can do it, then so can! 

I watched how the trainers did more than just train their bodies to be fit and teach them about healthy eating - they would dig in deep into these people's personal struggles to figure out how they got so fat in the first place - so they could make sure they never got fat again. 

And I got it.

I started to plan my own Biggest Loser Challenge.  I watched the entire season - (which is really only about 3 months long as they have seasons back to back without a hiatis in between which is awesome!)  and decided that I was going to change my life for good and I got my head back in the game.

Never mind that I am physically in pain every day.  I was sick of hurting all the time.  I finally recognized that the only way out of it is through it.  Work it out.

Never mind that I have 170lbs to lose, which is no easy task.  I had 115lbs to lose and I did it!  I can do this too.

If they can do it, so can I.

And so can you.

If this has inspired you to make a change in your life, do it.  Watch the Biggest Loser if it helps.  Motivate yourself every day.  Watch other people do more than you ever thought possible and come to that realization for yourself.  You can do it too.  When you're ready to give it your all.  No complaints.  No whining.  No excuses. 

If I can do it, so can you. 

God bless,
Melody
Biggest Loser in Progress ;)

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